Sugar for Me...

Pages. My life. My present. My work. My world.

writing is both pain and pleasure. it’s feeling a bit painful at the moment but I press on.

I feel guilty. I haven’t been #WRITELIKECRAZY since I took on the challenge with Tayari Jones at the beginning of August. I’ve instead been distracted, busy, and a bit overwhelmed with everything (workworkworkfamilyobligationsdailyroutinessideassignmentslastminuterequests…etcetra). Life can be a bit daunting. But today, thank God is a new day. And I have another chance to take the dive between the lines of the page. This #WRITELIKECRAZY exercise has got me to thinking about where this whole, “I want to be a writer” goal came from. Toni Morrison is the culprit. Well that and having a brother who wasn’t interested in playing pretend with me and my barbies. All this little girl, introvert had was a pencil and the occasional paper or whatever else I could find to sketch words. It became something I was good at. It was my outlet. My way of expressing my heart. But when I read these words,

“My daddy’s face is a study. Winter moves into it and presides there. His eyes become a cliff of snow threatening to avalanche; his eyebrows bend like black limbs of leafless trees…” (The Bluest Eye, Toni Morrison)

and I felt something from that story (well a lot of things), I knew that is what I wanted to do. I wanted to make art that reflects your soul’s connection with God and that reminds you of your humanity. Period. That desire has not changed… although the medium by which I am doing it has (for now). Through this screenplay, and ultimately the film, I want you to feel your soul’s connection with God. So… here I go again… Even if it means doing non-writing work like Tayari mentions here: Does This Count? 

Every day. Every word. Every moment spent thinking is PROGRESS! So I will continue to writeon.

Love.

I spent years trying to figure out the reason why God placed me on the Earth. I was plagued with the inevitable, “What’s my purpose” question. I remember during those years talking to Aunt Marsha about purpose. I felt like she clearly walked in her purpose everyday. She worked for herself, she had a passion for helping people in need. She exuded her purpose, mission, and ministry.  Her response was always to pray, seek wisdom, and follow your heart. Timeless answers.

Today’s lesson is: Be true to yourself. Honor that whisper that constantly reminds you of your purpose. Choose to live on purpose and to walk in it completely and unapologetically.

Love.

It will be a year this week. When I think about this time last year all I remember is her silence and the hum of the machine that gave her oxygen. She was transitioning and we were fighting to hold on. We were angry; we were hopeful; we had faith; we were fighting with death, with people, with ourselves; we were carrying on like tomorrow with her was promised. But it wasn’t. And deep down inside, when we went home and climbed in our beds for the night, still full of life, we new that this was the beginning and there was nothing we could do but be silent and watch helplessly as she drifted away.

Today I’ve been reflecting and trying to figure out how to go through a week of memories; painful memories. How do you do this? What do you do? Say?

What I’ve decided to do was to honor my aunt’s memory by sharing the lessons I’ve taken from her life and her death. Today’s lesson: Live in the now because there is no time. There is no time for maybe, later, soon, next time, in the future, or any of those wishes for actions you’ll take tomorrow.

For me that means, write now. Stop adding years onto my goals and just do it. Now. #WRITELIKECRAZY

Today is tomorrow. Choose wisely what you do with it.

Love. 

At the end of a long weekend this is how I end and begin. #writeon (Taken with Instagram)

Almost there. Been working since 6:30 pm. I have to admit. This week has been a STRUGGLE! Every obstacle, challenge, issue, assignment that could come, came. I missed my target date but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am here and I am doing what I said I was going to do. I am grateful for today’s writing session. God willing, I’ll get up tomorrow and try again. 

Taken with instagram

Sunday morning I had a 3 hour writing session. I have another 60 pages to finish for my May 31 deadline. After Sunday’s writing session I realize that those of us who claim to be writers, so called novice writers or beginners, are without excuse when it comes to tackling our writing goals. My professor at Rosemont College, Beth Goldner reminded (back in 2006), me that it takes discipline to be successful as a writer. If we just sit, focus, and write everyday or when we can, we have accomplished our goal. That’s it. There is no magic. Just action. That’s why I felt like a winner yesterday. Simply because I chose to DO. Don’t give up!

Taken with instagram

This photo was taken as a reminder to keep pushing toward accomplishing my goal to finish the 3rd draft of Sugar for Me by May 31. Almost three months ago I set this goal. I have 7 days left.

Writing is not a glamourous activity. There are no flashing lights. For me, writing is 80% pain and agony and 20% pleasure. It takes determination and commitment to sit, focus, and do. The thing is, no one is expecting you to reach your goal. No one cares.  The only one that really believes that it will happen is YOU!  Yeah, you’ll have supporters along the way, friends and family; people that have bought into your goals and vision but ultimately it’s on YOU. And you’re the one that’s going to be disappointed if you don’t complete it. Because you’re the one that wrote it down. You’re the one that said to yourself that this is what you are going to do, that this is what you wanted to do. So if in the end you don’t reach your goal, it will be painful. You’ll feel like a failure.

So to prevent that feeling you try. You try for an hour. You try for 10 minutes. You try for a page. Page in a half. And before you know it you are there or almost there. And it is enough. And it’s ok. And you feel a little bit better. But it’s still pain and agony. It’s still forcing yourself to commit to sitting and thinking and feeling and imagining and wondering and struggling and trying to tap into the voice of your character. And sometimes it doesn’t matter what’s on the page, it just matters that there is something. And you know that in the end it won’t be perfect. 95% of it won’t be perfect. But you try anyway. You know that there is a reward in trying. For that moment it is enough. You return to the page for that feeling. Hoping that you’ll tap into something that will inspire you to continue. 

You have to have an obsessive, unwavering belief in your work and your talent in order to complete this task. Nothing else matters. There are no flashing lights. Don’t give up!

Taken with instagram