Almost there. Been working since 6:30 pm. I have to admit. This week has been a STRUGGLE! Every obstacle, challenge, issue, assignment that could come, came. I missed my target date but it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am here and I am doing what I said I was going to do. I am grateful for today’s writing session. God willing, I’ll get up tomorrow and try again.
Taken with instagram
So May 31 is/was my finish date. For the last few weeks I turned up the heat on myself to reach this goal. I don’t think I’ll make it tomorrow. I am disappointed but still determined to finish. Now not later. Not for anyone else or for no other reason but because that is what I need to do for me. If you work full time and push everyday to accomplish your writing goals, I salute you.
Sunday morning I had a 3 hour writing session. I have another 60 pages to finish for my May 31 deadline. After Sunday’s writing session I realize that those of us who claim to be writers, so called novice writers or beginners, are without excuse when it comes to tackling our writing goals. My professor at Rosemont College, Beth Goldner reminded (back in 2006), me that it takes discipline to be successful as a writer. If we just sit, focus, and write everyday or when we can, we have accomplished our goal. That’s it. There is no magic. Just action. That’s why I felt like a winner yesterday. Simply because I chose to DO. Don’t give up!
Taken with instagram
This photo was taken as a reminder to keep pushing toward accomplishing my goal to finish the 3rd draft of Sugar for Me by May 31. Almost three months ago I set this goal. I have 7 days left.
Writing is not a glamourous activity. There are no flashing lights. For me, writing is 80% pain and agony and 20% pleasure. It takes determination and commitment to sit, focus, and do. The thing is, no one is expecting you to reach your goal. No one cares. The only one that really believes that it will happen is YOU! Yeah, you’ll have supporters along the way, friends and family; people that have bought into your goals and vision but ultimately it’s on YOU. And you’re the one that’s going to be disappointed if you don’t complete it. Because you’re the one that wrote it down. You’re the one that said to yourself that this is what you are going to do, that this is what you wanted to do. So if in the end you don’t reach your goal, it will be painful. You’ll feel like a failure.
So to prevent that feeling you try. You try for an hour. You try for 10 minutes. You try for a page. Page in a half. And before you know it you are there or almost there. And it is enough. And it’s ok. And you feel a little bit better. But it’s still pain and agony. It’s still forcing yourself to commit to sitting and thinking and feeling and imagining and wondering and struggling and trying to tap into the voice of your character. And sometimes it doesn’t matter what’s on the page, it just matters that there is something. And you know that in the end it won’t be perfect. 95% of it won’t be perfect. But you try anyway. You know that there is a reward in trying. For that moment it is enough. You return to the page for that feeling. Hoping that you’ll tap into something that will inspire you to continue.
You have to have an obsessive, unwavering belief in your work and your talent in order to complete this task. Nothing else matters. There are no flashing lights. Don’t give up!
Taken with instagram
This journey began with an idea. Two friends, passionate debaters who have very different views on love and marriage. Sugar for me was a 20 page concept. My goal was to shoot a short. The one thing I lacked was experience. So, 3 years later, here I am. I’m more aware, more passionate, and much more focused. I am working on the 3rd draft of Sugar for Me. I am also learning as much as I can about filmmaking. Hands on experience. There is no better time than now to pursue this dream.
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I’m back here again. The place where I belong. The place I neglect sometimes intentionally, sometimes because of time, sometimes just because. I still return like a woman coming to God to repent. Here I am. There are no guarantees that I’ll stay for long. Why do I stay away for so long? Why are my visits sporadic? Why do I let myself get to the point where I am crawling back, battered, wounded, bruised, scarred from walking along the edge of that dark place? That place I dance with from time to time. Actually, it’s always around this time when seasons are beginning and years are ending that I return with serious intentions. Reflection, my favorite past time. So I am back here again facing the page with the desire to write, sketch, plan, list, act execute, move, go, do, be, happy, joy, love, peace, challenge, change, transition, exorcise, be, passion, purpose, voice, narrative, story tell, Live, Live, Live, walk in my divine purpose which is to express the heart of divinity. God. Period. One goal. One focus. A journey full of promise, but not without obstacles. I am back here. Back. Again.
Having someone critique your work isn’t the easiest thing. Especially since for the most part it’s only been seen by myself, a close friend, and the walls of my writing room. But, in order for this screenplay to blossom into the film I and hopefully you would want to see, I passed it on for review. After Saturday’s Writing for Film class, I had a much needed reality check. My ego was deflated. I walked away knowing that in order to be what I call myself (writer, filmmaker, artist) I have to respect the art enough to take the time to study it. I’m looking forward to immersing myself.
